In the continuing effort to help out the nice guys everywhere I am adding my first ammendment to my theory of the Nice Guy. Not only is confidence needed but courage also.
to me courage is defined as thus
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again Tomorrow"
I reference this and place it as a requirement for the following reasons. I am going to go out on a very sturdy limb and say that about 99% of the nice guys out there has experienced heart ache or rejection by the girls that they have encountered in their lives. This is not because I think girls are heartless and cruel, but because that is the nature of the game of love.
Usually those who are working on gaining confidence get nervous I think not because girls make them nervous, but rather I think they subconsciously fear the pain that comes from rejection. The pain I believe comes from two places, their heart and their personality. The reason I say personality is because when you be yourself in a dating situation, you put yourself in a position who you are can be judged by the world. Often times when one is rejected, one mistakenly interprets it as a rejection of who they are. This causes them the mind to try and avoid that pain and as a result create the defense mechanism of nervousness.
The second form of pain comes from the Heart. This area of the human soul is very tender and when pain is felt, it is not the temporary pain that a flesh wound causes, but rather a very deep and lasting pain that resurfaces upon the memory of the very thing that caused the pain. A hot searing knife through the heart is an understatement when talking about this pain. This pain can be consuming and has the ability to affect every aspect of our lives. This pain allows feelings of hopelessness to enter and and feelings of depression. It allows the theft of many happy moments that would have been joyous indeed if it had not been for this profound hurt. This one is by far the most dangerous in the pursuit of love because it can last for years if allowed.
Having felt, very deeply, both of these wounds I understand completely if one would say " I never want to experience that again and therefore will put up as many defenses as possible so that I don't fall in love ever again." It takes so much courage for one who has experienced it and is still willing to open one's self up to a new opportunity to have it happen again. This is why i say courage is required. To be confident in ourself, to be the nice guy that women need us to be we have to be willing to take the pain.
Two things have helped me in overcoming the pain that I have experienced in my life, the first being the gospel. The Knowledge that God has a plan of salvation specifically for me which includes an eternal marriage so long as I keep the commandments, helps me to see it in a different perspective. Also the knowledge that the Atonement of Jesus Christ can overcome any hurt that was ever given brings comfort during the darkest of hours, when all hope really does seem lost. It also has the ability to overcome the loneliness that can also occur as a result of being rejected. If we truly believe and trust in Christ, we are never alone. God is always there to listen to our heart's lament and sends his Spirit to comfort.
The second thing that helps me to get through is my unfaltering faith that my (future) wife is worth the pain, and I would go through ten times as worth if it meant that I could experience the joy that I hope will accompany someone who is sealed for eternity.
Tomorrow is always a new day, new beginnings me that there is a chance for change. We must take courage when attempting to have a relationship. Be yourself without fear of rejection, expose that heart without fear of the excruciating pain that could accompany the decision. Put your trust in the Lord and his plan and know he is mindful of you and he will never leave you comfortless, but will come to you.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
2,3, Cha cha cha!
Holy moly I just had one of the funnest nights of my life. Thanks to my good friend Jillian, who was there to dance the night away with me, I have Terminally contracted the Latin Fever. I have been twice before and have enjoyed it but this time I actually came away with a plan to Learn HOW to latin dance. I do need the practice though so if you see me and I just happen to grab your hand and say LETS DANCE! you now know why. My mom and sisters are especially in danger!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Bad Credit, Good Credit, I just want people to leave my credit ALONE!
Man I never would have thought that living would be so hard. Over the past couple of months I've been having random medical bills show up on my credit reports that I had NO idea about. The most frustrating part is all it does is make things take longer because it always works out that I have paid it and there really wasn't a problem in the first place. other than this i have really good credit!!!!!! man just leave me alone and let me apply for apartments in peace!
Friday, November 16, 2007
The Nice Guy
Nice Guys finish last? This is fundamentally false.
Ever since I was little, I made a conscience decision that I would do my best never to be a jerk to girls. As a result of my own human weakness, I haven't accomplished the never, but I can honestly say that I have done my best to treat girls with the respect and the honor that they deserve. Opening doors has never been a problem, complimenting on how nice they look on a date has become second nature, and never speaking in a crude or vulgar manner about them was never even a question. Yet with all the demands for these things from women, why do they still go after the ones that treat them like dirt, the ones that will use them to get action for the weekend? One would think nowadays that the trend is more and more leaning towards girls really wanting jerks when they say they want the nice guys. My track record with dating over the past 7 months would indicate the same. I've had many dates and dated many girls however I have pulled a big goose egg in the relationship departments since my release from missionary service in April. I believe we need to look at this in a new perspective though.
So you have two guys competing for the affection of a young lady, who wins? I purpose to you that it is NOT the Jerk that always wins but rather the more "confident". I have put confident in quotations because the girl often confuses what this term means. The reason we often associate the nice guy with the loser is because a lot of times the nice guys simply lacks confidence. With a little more faith and belief he would have blown the other guy out of the water. The other part is the girls inability to distinguish between confidence and cockiness. It is perfectly within the rights of the woman to expect someone to be confident. The man must be confident with who he is so that he can protect, provide, and preside in his family. However the line between confidence and cockiness is often times hidden behind varying things that often times the girls just miss.
So how does one distinguish between the two if you are girl, and how does one become confident but not cocky if you are a guy? There are a couple of answers. First is humility, A cocky man will always believe that all of his abilities come from self. But a confident man will realize his own nothingness and acknowledge that all things are given him from God. Second one who is confident will have a virtuous mind. The cocky man will talk of low and cheap things but the confident man will say "Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly, then shall they confidence wax strong in the presence of the lord" Doctrine and Covenants 121. My final indication is a confident man will love his neighbor more than self. He will not be worried about cliques or popularity or who he is seen with, which is an inherent trait in the cocky, but will be more concerned about building up those around him and taking care of the needs of those around him. Going and telling a not as attractive girl that she looks especially nice that day won't be a problem for him or sitting by someone who seems to be alone and unpopular just so he can find out more about them will be normal because he will recognize that by building others, he is building himself.
So what about all those girls who still fall for the other guys, well the girls that I believe are worth going out with are the ones who would never allow me to treat them like a piece of property. They would be astute and see the warning signs of a jerk from a mile off and turn the other way. If you are one of these girls who seems to always have the Jerk boyfriend, I don't mean to offend, I simply hope to give you a better perspective that you can do so much better. You need to know the difference as described above because currently your cockiness meter is MIA. Girls are better at this than guys, but just because he's cute doesn't mean he is worth your time.
In the end, it may just come down to a girls preference on who she wants to date. if that is the case, then I don't mind finishing last. The important thing is that I finish, and I only need to finish once.
Ever since I was little, I made a conscience decision that I would do my best never to be a jerk to girls. As a result of my own human weakness, I haven't accomplished the never, but I can honestly say that I have done my best to treat girls with the respect and the honor that they deserve. Opening doors has never been a problem, complimenting on how nice they look on a date has become second nature, and never speaking in a crude or vulgar manner about them was never even a question. Yet with all the demands for these things from women, why do they still go after the ones that treat them like dirt, the ones that will use them to get action for the weekend? One would think nowadays that the trend is more and more leaning towards girls really wanting jerks when they say they want the nice guys. My track record with dating over the past 7 months would indicate the same. I've had many dates and dated many girls however I have pulled a big goose egg in the relationship departments since my release from missionary service in April. I believe we need to look at this in a new perspective though.
So you have two guys competing for the affection of a young lady, who wins? I purpose to you that it is NOT the Jerk that always wins but rather the more "confident". I have put confident in quotations because the girl often confuses what this term means. The reason we often associate the nice guy with the loser is because a lot of times the nice guys simply lacks confidence. With a little more faith and belief he would have blown the other guy out of the water. The other part is the girls inability to distinguish between confidence and cockiness. It is perfectly within the rights of the woman to expect someone to be confident. The man must be confident with who he is so that he can protect, provide, and preside in his family. However the line between confidence and cockiness is often times hidden behind varying things that often times the girls just miss.
So how does one distinguish between the two if you are girl, and how does one become confident but not cocky if you are a guy? There are a couple of answers. First is humility, A cocky man will always believe that all of his abilities come from self. But a confident man will realize his own nothingness and acknowledge that all things are given him from God. Second one who is confident will have a virtuous mind. The cocky man will talk of low and cheap things but the confident man will say "Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly, then shall they confidence wax strong in the presence of the lord" Doctrine and Covenants 121. My final indication is a confident man will love his neighbor more than self. He will not be worried about cliques or popularity or who he is seen with, which is an inherent trait in the cocky, but will be more concerned about building up those around him and taking care of the needs of those around him. Going and telling a not as attractive girl that she looks especially nice that day won't be a problem for him or sitting by someone who seems to be alone and unpopular just so he can find out more about them will be normal because he will recognize that by building others, he is building himself.
So what about all those girls who still fall for the other guys, well the girls that I believe are worth going out with are the ones who would never allow me to treat them like a piece of property. They would be astute and see the warning signs of a jerk from a mile off and turn the other way. If you are one of these girls who seems to always have the Jerk boyfriend, I don't mean to offend, I simply hope to give you a better perspective that you can do so much better. You need to know the difference as described above because currently your cockiness meter is MIA. Girls are better at this than guys, but just because he's cute doesn't mean he is worth your time.
In the end, it may just come down to a girls preference on who she wants to date. if that is the case, then I don't mind finishing last. The important thing is that I finish, and I only need to finish once.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Hickory Smoked
wow what a flippin sweet class we had today. so i am taking a wilderness survival class and all we did was learn how to start a flint and steele fire which i already knew how to do. Easiest two credits of my LIFE! (and probably the most fun too)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My New Home
Wow, coming home from the mission you always imagine going back to school, but I didn't realize just how much it would entail until after not having attended for a little over 4 years. Not only that I didn't realize that by transfering schools that yes, I would be looking like a freshman with my map out and having to always ask where a builing is or where a room was. I think what has suprised me the most though is just the sheer amount of hours that I spend over and around the BYU campus Area.
To be fair, I work at the MTC and technically it isn't really a part of school but if we include that as part of my educational experience the hours i am over on BYU campus adds up. Lets take a typical monday for an example. I start my day at 8:15 sharp at the MTC, preparing to help my missionaries to become better at what the Lord has called them to do. That goes until about 12:30 where I then head to campus for a light sack lunch( it's easier than using 30 mins of roundtrip travel time to go back to my apartment) and from there my time is spent studying for my american governemnt class and my spanish class which start at 2:00 and go til 4:00 well once that is finished I have about an hour to eat again something that i have brought until my book of mormon class which starts at 5 and goes until 6:40 by the time I get back to my car and then again to my apartment it is near 7:15 which is about an 11 hr day. I'm not complaining of course about this, I love all of my classes and am enjoying once again the mind expanding that happens , i'm simply in awe, i never realized what kind time life after the mission would really occupy.......
To be fair, I work at the MTC and technically it isn't really a part of school but if we include that as part of my educational experience the hours i am over on BYU campus adds up. Lets take a typical monday for an example. I start my day at 8:15 sharp at the MTC, preparing to help my missionaries to become better at what the Lord has called them to do. That goes until about 12:30 where I then head to campus for a light sack lunch( it's easier than using 30 mins of roundtrip travel time to go back to my apartment) and from there my time is spent studying for my american governemnt class and my spanish class which start at 2:00 and go til 4:00 well once that is finished I have about an hour to eat again something that i have brought until my book of mormon class which starts at 5 and goes until 6:40 by the time I get back to my car and then again to my apartment it is near 7:15 which is about an 11 hr day. I'm not complaining of course about this, I love all of my classes and am enjoying once again the mind expanding that happens , i'm simply in awe, i never realized what kind time life after the mission would really occupy.......
Monday, September 10, 2007
Night Time Madness
For those of you who don't already know, I tend to sleep walk and sleep talk. Which is really really strange to me because i NEVER remember a thing when I sleep. When I do, it's usually something that is really ominous and freaky and a lot of times comes true. Well, I think I figured out why I don't remember what happens in between the freaky dreams. I believe it's because my dreams make absolutely NO SENSE at all and my brain automatically deletes them upon gaining consciousness. Here is one that didn't make the delete button that proves my point
Last night the dream started out as me as a missionary in a ward correlation. Sounds pretty normal eh, well it gets worse. So i notice that my best friend just happens to be my companion which is pretty sweet I think until I suddenly realize i'm not wearing any pants. well this causes a sudden evacuation to the Mens room and as soon as I get there I notice that the Toilette is overflowing. Well i forget about the pants thing for some reason and immediately start working on the plumbing problem, i guess i figured since i was in a mens room my imminent danger with the pants was no longer a priority. go figure.
As I'm plumbing my companionion/best friend Izer comes in with a super secret impossible mission that i have to accomplish. now the plunging is no longer a problem but saving the world has taken it's place. (keep in mind i still haven't figured out where the heck my pants are) but in this i have to put on the face of the bishop of the ward we are serving in, Mission Impossible Style, with the whole prosthetic face and voice changer. Somehow though while making this change my mind made the mistake of slipping into the wrong movie! while becoming the bishop I got put into the machine from the movie prestige, without my knowledge and an EVIL clone was made. ( The clone will play a part later on in the dream)
So off i go as Bishop Anderson. So for those of you who have ever tried to do what Ethan Hunt does on Mission impossible you know how difficult it is to be the person who you are impersonationg. I go to his work and realize i don't know ANYBODIES NAMES! i try to get out of it by using "man" and "buddy" but soon realize that people are seeing right through it so I simply head for the elevator to evade any further confrontations. My intent was to go to the office of Bishop Anderson and accomplish my impossible mission from there but I get in the elevator and well somehow in the "briefing" no mention was made of what floor the office was on. I am standing there puzzled ( and yes still pantsless) when i look out the closing elevator doors to see my evil clone leaving the building through a revolving door with a girl ( who will not be named) and a humongous grin on his face. I knew IMMEDIATELY what he was up to! He was going to seduce the girl and then kill her when she least expected it so that i would be framed for the murder and wouldn't be able to show my real face again.
This enfuriated me, well that and the fact that he got to have pants and i didn't and I ran after him. but the problem was I had to go in search of him in my disguise so as not to draw attention to there being two of us, but i had to alert the authorites and the only one i could trust to do that and would help me was my good friend who was a volunteer sheriffs department deputy, Dwight Schrute. I knew he would be loyal! so with him we investigated who exactly this clone was and that's where we found out about how the cloning happened. and then I woke up!
so as you can see...........although they may provide lame entertainment to the extrememly bored my dreams are really completely pointless. I wonder though if I might enjoy more of them though If i actually knew what they were........only time will tell........
please feel free to post any completely pointless, Hilrous, Scary, Freaky, Random dreams that you have had on the site. i'd love to hear about it!
Last night the dream started out as me as a missionary in a ward correlation. Sounds pretty normal eh, well it gets worse. So i notice that my best friend just happens to be my companion which is pretty sweet I think until I suddenly realize i'm not wearing any pants. well this causes a sudden evacuation to the Mens room and as soon as I get there I notice that the Toilette is overflowing. Well i forget about the pants thing for some reason and immediately start working on the plumbing problem, i guess i figured since i was in a mens room my imminent danger with the pants was no longer a priority. go figure.
As I'm plumbing my companionion/best friend Izer comes in with a super secret impossible mission that i have to accomplish. now the plunging is no longer a problem but saving the world has taken it's place. (keep in mind i still haven't figured out where the heck my pants are) but in this i have to put on the face of the bishop of the ward we are serving in, Mission Impossible Style, with the whole prosthetic face and voice changer. Somehow though while making this change my mind made the mistake of slipping into the wrong movie! while becoming the bishop I got put into the machine from the movie prestige, without my knowledge and an EVIL clone was made. ( The clone will play a part later on in the dream)
So off i go as Bishop Anderson. So for those of you who have ever tried to do what Ethan Hunt does on Mission impossible you know how difficult it is to be the person who you are impersonationg. I go to his work and realize i don't know ANYBODIES NAMES! i try to get out of it by using "man" and "buddy" but soon realize that people are seeing right through it so I simply head for the elevator to evade any further confrontations. My intent was to go to the office of Bishop Anderson and accomplish my impossible mission from there but I get in the elevator and well somehow in the "briefing" no mention was made of what floor the office was on. I am standing there puzzled ( and yes still pantsless) when i look out the closing elevator doors to see my evil clone leaving the building through a revolving door with a girl ( who will not be named) and a humongous grin on his face. I knew IMMEDIATELY what he was up to! He was going to seduce the girl and then kill her when she least expected it so that i would be framed for the murder and wouldn't be able to show my real face again.
This enfuriated me, well that and the fact that he got to have pants and i didn't and I ran after him. but the problem was I had to go in search of him in my disguise so as not to draw attention to there being two of us, but i had to alert the authorites and the only one i could trust to do that and would help me was my good friend who was a volunteer sheriffs department deputy, Dwight Schrute. I knew he would be loyal! so with him we investigated who exactly this clone was and that's where we found out about how the cloning happened. and then I woke up!
so as you can see...........although they may provide lame entertainment to the extrememly bored my dreams are really completely pointless. I wonder though if I might enjoy more of them though If i actually knew what they were........only time will tell........
please feel free to post any completely pointless, Hilrous, Scary, Freaky, Random dreams that you have had on the site. i'd love to hear about it!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I'm HERE
After a long term, two year religious excursion for the locally predominant denomination, i am slowly starting to figure out that the technological world did in fact advance without me! My wonderfully amazing sister has shown me the wonders of blogging and I am itching for chance to try it out. Wish me luck!
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