In the continuing effort to help out the nice guys everywhere I am adding my first ammendment to my theory of the Nice Guy. Not only is confidence needed but courage also.
to me courage is defined as thus
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again Tomorrow"
I reference this and place it as a requirement for the following reasons. I am going to go out on a very sturdy limb and say that about 99% of the nice guys out there has experienced heart ache or rejection by the girls that they have encountered in their lives. This is not because I think girls are heartless and cruel, but because that is the nature of the game of love.
Usually those who are working on gaining confidence get nervous I think not because girls make them nervous, but rather I think they subconsciously fear the pain that comes from rejection. The pain I believe comes from two places, their heart and their personality. The reason I say personality is because when you be yourself in a dating situation, you put yourself in a position who you are can be judged by the world. Often times when one is rejected, one mistakenly interprets it as a rejection of who they are. This causes them the mind to try and avoid that pain and as a result create the defense mechanism of nervousness.
The second form of pain comes from the Heart. This area of the human soul is very tender and when pain is felt, it is not the temporary pain that a flesh wound causes, but rather a very deep and lasting pain that resurfaces upon the memory of the very thing that caused the pain. A hot searing knife through the heart is an understatement when talking about this pain. This pain can be consuming and has the ability to affect every aspect of our lives. This pain allows feelings of hopelessness to enter and and feelings of depression. It allows the theft of many happy moments that would have been joyous indeed if it had not been for this profound hurt. This one is by far the most dangerous in the pursuit of love because it can last for years if allowed.
Having felt, very deeply, both of these wounds I understand completely if one would say " I never want to experience that again and therefore will put up as many defenses as possible so that I don't fall in love ever again." It takes so much courage for one who has experienced it and is still willing to open one's self up to a new opportunity to have it happen again. This is why i say courage is required. To be confident in ourself, to be the nice guy that women need us to be we have to be willing to take the pain.
Two things have helped me in overcoming the pain that I have experienced in my life, the first being the gospel. The Knowledge that God has a plan of salvation specifically for me which includes an eternal marriage so long as I keep the commandments, helps me to see it in a different perspective. Also the knowledge that the Atonement of Jesus Christ can overcome any hurt that was ever given brings comfort during the darkest of hours, when all hope really does seem lost. It also has the ability to overcome the loneliness that can also occur as a result of being rejected. If we truly believe and trust in Christ, we are never alone. God is always there to listen to our heart's lament and sends his Spirit to comfort.
The second thing that helps me to get through is my unfaltering faith that my (future) wife is worth the pain, and I would go through ten times as worth if it meant that I could experience the joy that I hope will accompany someone who is sealed for eternity.
Tomorrow is always a new day, new beginnings me that there is a chance for change. We must take courage when attempting to have a relationship. Be yourself without fear of rejection, expose that heart without fear of the excruciating pain that could accompany the decision. Put your trust in the Lord and his plan and know he is mindful of you and he will never leave you comfortless, but will come to you.